Starting a New Chapter

So I've graduated from Clemson University. I graduated cum laude with a major in Political Science and a minor in Spanish. Everyone keeps asking me if I am excited that I graduated. The answer is yes, I am proud of my accomplishment, but I am truly heartbroken. Clemson was my second home. It was small and close-knit and I absolutely loved being a part of the Clemson family. I'm still part of the family, but now I'm part of the alumni family and it feels so different. I hate the fact that come August I won't be packing up my things to go back to see all of my friends. We are all now spread across the U.S. at different graduate schools and jobs. I can no longer call up Sherrill and ask her to meet me at "Montys" in 15. I won't be waking up at 6 AM on Saturdays to curl my hair and put on a pound of makeup for dance. I know this sounds super girly, but I want to cry every time I think about Clemson.

Now I am back in my hometown, Charleston. I love this place. I always wanted to come back here after graduation, but now that I'm here I can't help but wonder if I should have tried somewhere else. I love this city. I love the people, the water, the food, the history, everything. I have my family here, but I  have nothing else. The friends I had in high school have all scattered to different schools in other states, or they have moved on. There isn't much for me here. I came back because that was always my plan. I missed my family. I'm so glad to be back with them, but once again I'm left wondering- what if? That seems to be a question that keeps popping up in my life.

I'm not sure of much these days. I know that I want to go to graduate school (hopefully at CofC) to get my Masters in Public Administration. I know that I have the most incredible boyfriend in the world and I want to share everything with him. I know that I have a mom and a brother (and extended family) who love me unconditionally. And.....that is about it. I'm waiting for God to tell me the next move. I'm waiting to find my purpose. And I'm waiting to find my place in the world.

I've had the experience recently of finding out who my true friends are. While I welcome the honesty and am grateful for it, I can't deny how painful it is to discover that people really don't care about you. They come to you when they need something: a shoulder to cry on, support, notice for an accomplishment, etc. and yet they can't even give you the honest truth when it comes to something simple. I would much rather be told the truth and have it sting momentarily than be lied to and have an enduring "punch-to-the-stomach" feeling. If you are reading this, I want you to take away one thing from my incoherent ramblings and that is to always be honest, no matter what. You owe yourself and others the truth.

So in order to get over all the lies and "bs" of other people, mom and I decided to go on a cruise. We are flying to San Juan, Puerto Rico. There we will board the ship and sail to St. Thomas, St. Maarten, St. Lucia, St. Kitts, and Barbados. I. Cannot. Wait. My mother and I are very similar in that we always do our best to accommodate others and we do so by living simply. We are incredibly honest people and usually suffer greatly from the inconsiderate actions of others. It is a tolling way of life, but we can't help who we are. Hopefully this cruise will help us to recharge and enable us to start a new, positive chapter of our lives.

I'm ready for something good to happen. I'm ready to find some real friends here in Charleston. Right now I have no one and it sucks. I guess loneliness is the price you pay when you aren't consumed by drinking and partying like everyone else your age. Walk a day in my shoes and I guarantee you won't pick up another drink ever again. The obsessions of my generation sadden me and it is my hope that one day they realize that entitlement attitudes benefit no one and there is more to life than going out drinking every weekend. Someone once asked me if I could rid the world of one thing what would it be. Instead of the usual "hunger, poverty, war, terrorism, etc", I immediately answered, "alcohol". You may think it is harmless, but it is one of the most destructive weapons ever created. It can destroy love, marriages, families, careers, and human life. If you need alcohol to have fun I implore you to seek help immediately before you cause someone to suffer the way I have.

I think I've rambled enough for one night. Pray for me and I will do the same for you. Think of me what you will, but know that I have been through much more in my 21 years than most. I know a great deal about a lot of topics and my opinions are formed on experience and research. I never judge others and I ask the same in return.