Here is me in a nutshell

So it has come to my attention that a lot of people know me, but they don't really know me. Its like a superficial knowledge in some ways. And yes, I am the first to admit, I guard myself better than anyone knows. I like to consider myself an optimist, but I have several characteristics of a realist...I guess... maybe pragmatist is better. I acknowledge how things are, and I hope and pray for the better. My mom always taught me to look for the good in any situation, and I really try to do that. I like for things to be simple- I shun drama in any aspect of life. I guess I just feel that life is beautiful and its meant to be enjoyed, not wasted on unnecessary drama. I will always hold that hate and violence have no real place in this world- only the space the we freely give them. I long for the day when people wake up and realize that there is so much more than "getting ahead"; that loving others freely is the greatest, most wonderful experience life can offer.

I guess what I am attempting to do with this entry is express a bit of who I am- for those who care. I close myself off to most people. There are only a handful- maybe 4 people with whom I have entrusted everything that I am. Its not to say that I don't like other people or they aren't good enough, or whatever. Its just that I have been through a lot in my 20 years of life. Much more than most people my age. I almost wish that my greatest concern was who I am going to take as my date to the next function. And on the other hand, I don't. I value every experience I have had and I have taken something from each of them. I have come to terms with the fact that I am not like most people. I'm ok with it. I have found a few people who have experienced similar things, and that is why I trust them with everything. I'm not quite sure why I am so guarded, but I have a small handful of people that I can completely rely on, and I'm content with that. Of course, I am always looking for others, but for now, I'm content. I have to say though, I feel sorry for those people that I actually do trust completely because- as any of them will tell you- I will latch on to them like there is no tomorrow. And until recently I wasn't quite sure why that is. I went through a period of my life where I felt completely isolated- totally removed from everyone. It was easily the worst time of my life. I admire people who are totally ok with being on their own all the time. I could never do it. I can be independent for however long I need to be, but after a while, inside- I limp along. I don't need other people to make me feel good, or remind me of anything. It is just natural to me to love and to be loved. I guess that is why I cling? I look around in this world full of hate, judgment, violence, etc and I want reassurance that love still exists. In any form- that love still exists.

Someone once defined loved for me as " denial of oneself for the good of another". It took me a while to understand how inclusive this definition really is. But after going through a period of solidarity, I feel as though I truly understand what love is, and what it means to love and be loved in return. I hope that one day, many others will value this concept of love as much as I do. My love grows everyday- always including new people, places, and passions. I cannot even begin to describe how completely at peace you feel when you truly love. This is my wish for everyone- that we learn to love one another.

So I guess this is my way of sharing a bit of who I am on the inside with those of you who don't quite know me. Hopefully, one day I will feel confident enough to open up completely, in the mean time, I will love you unconditionally. I want to include some facts about me that you may or may not know- take them or leave them. It is me in a nutshell, I guess.

- I love animals. Probably because they don't know much else other than to love. They are my therapy.
- Yes,  I really have adopted a penguin through the aquarium. 
- I will NEVER have an eating disorder because eating is one of my favorite things to do.
- I enjoy cooking so so much
- I am obsessed with Disney. "A Whole New World" will be my first dance with my husband...you think I'm joking don't you....I'm not.
- I'm OCD, I clean and organize like its going out of style
- The move Hotel Rwanda changed my life. I want to dedicate my life to helping victims of genocide, but I haven't figured out how I will do that just yet.
-Dance is my outlet for almost everything. I love Clemson, but I often regret not going to a dance college.
- I dislike people who do not use their blinkers- they are there for a reason, use them.
- I will stand up for what I think is right. I don't care if people hate me for it.
- I like to be my own person, I have always loathed copycapts, and I presume I always will.
- I like to embarrass my friends by being loud and scarily supportive
- Laughing is my style
- I surround myself with people that I admire
- I love my friends more than they know and I will stand up for them until the day I die.
- I listen to music all the time because other people are able to articulate into a song what I am feeling.
- I am always down for an adventure or something new.
- It is extremely rare for me to tell someone else my problems, but I want to listen to yours, and help you carry your burdens.
- I am proud to be a Southerner
- I'm outspoken, if you can't handle that....well, that's your problem.