So, I'll start out and say that this week has been crap. Pretty much since last Saturday things just have not been going all that well for me. I am a pretty strong person, and I try to not let things get to me, but when so many things go wrong at once it overwhelms me. I don't feel like going into detail about all the shitty things that have happened because that is just like opening the wounds back up, but I will say that I am in desperate need of a pick-me-up. I hoping that this weekend will be just that. Friday I will be going to Greenville to meet Savanner for sushi. I always love meeting up with her because she is so God-minded that whatever it is I seem to complain about, Nan has some way of putting it in perspective for me. She can show me that what I may think is the end of the world really is not that bad. Of course I love being in her company anyway, but she never fails to put me back on the straight and narrow!
I'm not sure if I will stay in Greenville Friday night or not, but the JUMP dance competition/convention is in Greenville this weekend, and my girls are competing!!! AHH!! I'm so excited!! This will be the first time that I get to see my old company compete since I left after graduation. I CANNOT wait. Not only do I get to see some of my favorite people in the entire world, but I get to be in the one place that I feel 100% myself: in the world of competitive dance. If I could change one thing about my life, it would have been to keep competing. Maybe I would have gone to the dance school in Baltimore- who knows. The only thing I know for sure is I miss the hell out of that part of my life. I could leave every ounce of pain, emotion, fear, joy...whatever it was, on the dance floor, and I was in the best shape of my life. Yeah, I love the dance team that I am on now, but truth be told- we don't do much dance. Its more "showy" than anything else. Shake your pom poms and smile. My technique has gone to hell, and the chances of me getting it back are highly unlikely.
So ok, enough about dance. I guess my one thought on life for this post would be this: plans normally do not work. Don't waste your time. I spend so much time and evergy planning my life out and as fate would have it, nothing works out how I have planned it to. I fail to account for other people's free will when I make these plans and as a general rule, what other people think/want is not what I think/want. Even if they tell me it is the same, their actions speak otherwise. That is what I am mostly upset about. I've come to the point in my life where everything was planned out and I knew what to do and now none of those things have happened, and as a result, I don't know what to do. I am so horribly confused right now. I have tried offering it up to God, but unsuccessfully so. My mind is so focused on trying to figure this shit out that I can't even focus on the one thing that is most important- my Lord. Maybe one of these days I will wake up and remember when I used to just offer everything up and let it take care of itself. Hopefully I can get back to that practice one day. Until then....I'm taking it one minute at a time. Its the very best I can do at this point.
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